Are Holiday Blues Self Inflicted Pain?
It’s that time of year again when the news is filled with stories of tragedy. So many men, women and children are feeling the holiday blues. I know how they must be feeling because not too many years ago I too went through a time of self inflicted pain.
It may seem odd to refer to the holiday blues as self inflicted pain; yet, it is. How so? Well, think about the very reason we may feel blue. As a society we have put so much pressure on ourselves to celebrate how others have celebrated as tradition for centuries.
For many years I was one of those who chose to celebrate Christmas. In our family it was a time of family gathering and gift giving. There was a time in my childhood when we took part in church activities like Sunday school and the choir. During the holiday season we would put on plays revolving around Jesus whose birthday was suppose to be the reason. We would sing our hearts out in the choir performances and make our parents proud.
Growing pains
Life deals us all pain in one way or another sometimes we refer to it as growing pains. Unlike physical pain, growing pains are more personal growth than physical pain. However, learning the truth about something, anything can hurt our heart; at least it did mine.
There were many times in my adulthood when the realities of life shocked me. I’ve been told that I’m gullible and naïve. Maybe that is why some of my life’s lessons stung so badly. I felt a little foolish when I realized why I had done something for so long without really thinking about it.
Celebrating Christmas was one of those lessons. I didn’t like it, didn’t want to think about it yet the facts were the facts. There was nothing I could say or do to make them not be so. It was painful to realize I had been following a tradition just because everyone else did it. I saw visions of a flock of sheep following the lead doe right off the cliff. No wonder I was feeling the painful holiday blues.
Christmas Fact or Fiction
The Encyclopedia Americana informs us: “The reason for establishing December 25 as Christmas is somewhat obscure, but it is usually held that the day was chosen to correspond to pagan festivals that took place around the time of the winter solstice, when the days begin to lengthen, to celebrate the “rebirth of the sun”. The Roman Saturnalia (a festival dedicated to Saturn, the god of agriculture, and to the renewed power of the sun), also took place at the time, some Christmas customs are thought to be rooted in this ancient pagan celebration.
According to the Bible Jesus’ birth date is not disclosed. If we were to use our ability to reason on what the Scriptures do tell us we would find that during the month of December in Nazareth where Jesus was born it is too cold for the shepherds and their flocks to be out-of-doors.
The book of “Daily Life in the Time of Jesus” states that “The flocks…passed the winter under cover; and from this alone it may be seen that the traditional date for Christmas, in the winter, is unlikely to be right since the Gospel says that the shepherds were in the fields”.
Why celebrate something centered around something not true?
The next point I meditated on was thinking about the actual celebration of His birth. If we threw a party for a loved one, child or adult and the guests all brought gifts to exchange with one another and not our “birthday boy or girl” how would they feel? Pretty disappointed wouldn’t you say? Have you ever thought what Jesus would think about all of us showing up to his party without a gift for him? Hmmm…interesting thought, right?
Now celebrating Christmas seems wrong to me. If the reason for celebrating was not true why was I taking part? The answer made me sick to my stomach, it truly pained my heart and it sure didn’t sit well in my mind either.
Time-tested tradition
My whole life our family celebrated holidays one right after the other. As a young adult raising my own children naturally I followed the traditions of my family I didn’t know any different.
Looking back in retrospect I now realize why I suffered for many years with the holiday blues. The stress of buying gifts for our ever growing family was a financial drain on our limited budget. The fear of disappointing one sister or brother, niece or nephew usually overshadowed the joy of giving the gift.
Shopping was always stressful as the anticipated day quickly arrived way too soon. There was never enough money to get everyone what they asked for on their wish list. Is that really what gift-giving is all about, lists? But, I never gave it a second thought, that’s the way it had always been.
True giving comes from the heart
The many truths I’ve learned as an aging baby-boomer have set me free. Free from the age old traditions tied to having to buy something, give something on a certain day because someone somewhere said it was time to do it.
Instead, I’ve found out how to eliminate the stress, give from my heart, when I can easily slip it into my budget without going into debt. I’ve eliminated the stress from those out of control credit card bills that arrive in January, too.
When we treat others the way we want to be treated, give gifts from our heart because we want to it has so much more meaning. The old adage goes something like this “if it feels right deep down inside…it probably is”. Our conscious is a gift given at birth; but, it must be trained properly to be used to its fullest capacity. That training can sometimes be very painful especially if we have to get rid of baggage from years of tradition.
There are many ways that the holiday blues are self inflicted; however, we can eliminate the stress and pain that causes them by giving from the heart in truth and spirit.
Share your thoughts by leaving a comment below.
Carla Gardiner is known as “THE Fiery Grandma” because she found new energy, endurance and youth. Her passion and purpose lies with baby boomer trends, the people she works with daily; aging men, women, moms, dads, grandmas and grandpas who want to feel better, have more energy and have fun like they did when they were twenty-something. Join her for more energy, fun and profits. 
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I have known Carla Gardiner for 6+ years. We met at a business training for bring business online. She is a business women at heart and willing to do the hard things to make the results show up. I have watched her run a business, work a job and take care of her family. She is a go getter when it comes to putting in the work to build her business to the level of being able to enjoy her grand kids.
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I’m not sure about this one. I agree with doing what feels right regardless of what others are doing. I agree with not being the ‘sheep’. There is something about Christmas that I just adore though. What you are saying I could follow through on for Mothers Day, Valentines day, etc. It’s like a day Hallmark decided on to increase profits. I want to be appreciated all year, not just one day. But Christmas is different.
It’s alright, Suzanne. It took me years to get to where I am…able to share my views openly and be okay with others expressing their views too…it’s ok.
Carla thanks for sharing how you moved past the holiday blues … and sometimes they are definitely self-inflicted based on high expectations. Glad you found your holiday happy place.
Thank you Pamela for bringing happiness to others, it puts smiles on faces that may have no other way to do it.
Thanks for sharing your perception and insights!
You are welcome, Denny. It took years of personal growth and study to be able to share my views with others. Now I am comfortable in my own skin and leading the way for other working women to do the same.
I think you hit the nail right on the head Carla. We put so much stress on ourselves to celebrate the say other people think we should. After spending the better part of the year celebrating our uniqueness, WHY do we stress out so if we don’t have Christmas just the way our grandmothers’ did? Thank you for the wake up call I needed today.
You are right Helena and it took a ton off my shoulders once I allowed the truth of the Scriptures to sink into my thick skull and hardened heart. I’m thankful you see a light, too.
That’s an interesting perspective and thank you for sharing Carla. The only thing we can be sure of is what is found in the Bible and how God speaks to us through the word.
Very true Edmund and that’s why I do thorough research to be sure I understand before making a decision such as this one. The Scriptures tell us the how and what and why if we just listen and reason and allow them to support themselves without interjecting our view…
So you don’t celebrate Christmas? Or you just celebrate it with a different attitude? Do you follow the Biblical feasts found in Leviticus 23?
No LaDonna I choose to not celebrate Christmas. After more than 5 years of studying the Scriptures I couldn’t find where the ancient Christians celebrated any “holiday” other than the occasion Jesus commanded at Luke 22:19 “Keep doing this in remembrance of me” (the memorial of His death). From my studies I found that Jesus was not born on December 25th as indicated in the article. I’m doing my best to live according to Bible principles. It is a choice and one that has set me free from the stresses of holiday blues.
I agree with the article, absolutely. My blues come from the fact that my daughter who was born Dec. 25, 1973, passed away just three days after her 25th birthday.
Oh Mary I am so sorry for your loss. I can not imagine the pain you’ve endured year after year. Hugs my friend and thank you for sharing part of your life with me.